Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
