Im at strip club and am horny
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
