are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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