When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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