He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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