My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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