I accidentally burped into my bong.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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