Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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