i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
