We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
