That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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