Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
