so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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