It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
