Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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