I'm really into asian looking animals
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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