finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
