I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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