There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
