Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
