They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
