No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
