some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
