oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
