She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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