Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I could make wine with my vomit
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
