ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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