I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
