im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
