i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
