He kissed a someone with a penis
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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