Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
