she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So much rum. So many feels.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
