Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
