Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
