Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
