You smell like a Billy Joel song
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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