come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
