They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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