fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
