Princesses don't give blow jobs
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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