just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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