seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
