you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
