Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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