Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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