Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
