there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
