I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
