tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Four minutes until I can fart!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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