i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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