She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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