is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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