Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it's not cheating when I paid for it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
