I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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