I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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