3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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