Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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