3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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