i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
