one two three fourrrrnication!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
