Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
