Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
