im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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