4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Congratulations! We have a period
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