Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i will never coherently bang her
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Boobs speak an international language.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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