Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
