The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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