I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
