Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
