i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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