I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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