Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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