ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
