mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
